My story begins on a fun and exciting Saturday night in Lagos where I attended an after party. I met a tall dark and handsome man who was introduced to me through a mutual friend. We spoke for a few minutes, exchanged numbers and then parted ways. 6 months later..He came and we continued the conversation that we didn’t get to finish the first time we met. After that night we started seeing each other more often as he would call me and say all the right things, then ask to see me. So there I was feeling special, thinking that this stud must really like me so much that he had to see me about four times a week. The relationship started and instead of taking time to really study and know him, I decided to give, give and give without thinking twice. I gave time, I gave energy, I gave money, I gave respect, I gave submission, I gave love, I gave honor, and I gave everything a woman would, just to make her man feel important and loved.
Everyone around me hated the fact that I did more and more to make him happy and then they started noticing that I was loosing my happiness, I was loosing weight, I was loosing myself but the funny thing is that I didn’t even notice. Eventually, I got so angry that I started pushing my friends and family away. After a while I started noticing that he became aggressive towards my friends, anyone I introduced him to, people I worked with etc. All of a sudden he didn’t like anybody anymore and didn’t want them around us. Then it all grew into calling me names at the slightest provocation even though I was not sure of what I did to provoke him. He would say things like “I am doing you a favor by being with you”, “how easy do you think it is to find a single guy like me to date a woman with kids”?, “you are too controversial to have a sane man stay with you”, “the only thing you have going is your career other than that you are not really worth it”.
Anyway, I stayed in the relationship until one day when he got upset that a guy gave me the card to his hotel because he wanted my band to sing there. He got so mad that he punched the wall in my study. When he did that, it was as if a very thick veil was pulled from my eyes. That was when I realized that the kind of anger that made him punch a wall can even push him to hit me since I was the cause of his anger. I don’t know if it was the prayers of my mother or my best friend’s, but something gave me courage that day and kept urging me to get him out of my life before it was too late. I yelled for my home staff and they came into the study and I asked them to get him out. I told him boldly never to come near me, my home or my family. That was how God delivered me from my abuser. If he had not punched that wall, I don’t think I would have had the courage to end the relationship.
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